What Happens When We Don't Forgive
Conquer Evil by Doing Good
In the book of Romans, Paul wrote this letter to the Roman church, and he said, "I know you're really smart people, but I need you to understand this, make allowances, never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see that you're honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone."
"Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God, for the scripture say, 'I will take revenge. I will pay them back,' says the Lord. Instead, if your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they're thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you'll heat burning coals of shame on their heads because you were the bigger person, because you chose my way versus what would naturally come."
He says this at the very end, "Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good."
Okay. That's it. Have a great day. Go you, therefore, and prosper.
In these verses, Paul emphasizes the importance of forgiveness, urging believers to forgive one another as Christ forgave them. You can see it. He's talking about kindness and love and all of the things that we think of when we think of the church.
People who don't go to church, they expect this of us. When we don't have these attributes, they say, "Oh, you're just like me. I don't have to do anything different." When we don't forgive, we sell the message of the gospel short.
"Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God, for the scripture say, 'I will take revenge. I will pay them back,' says the Lord. Instead, if your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they're thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you'll heat burning coals of shame on their heads because you were the bigger person, because you chose my way versus what would naturally come."
He says this at the very end, "Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good."
Okay. That's it. Have a great day. Go you, therefore, and prosper.
In these verses, Paul emphasizes the importance of forgiveness, urging believers to forgive one another as Christ forgave them. You can see it. He's talking about kindness and love and all of the things that we think of when we think of the church.
People who don't go to church, they expect this of us. When we don't have these attributes, they say, "Oh, you're just like me. I don't have to do anything different." When we don't forgive, we sell the message of the gospel short.
The Playing Field is Level
What about this, what Jesus said, "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you. If you refuse to forgive others, your father will not forgive your sins."
Dang, that seems a little harsh. You mean my forgiveness is based on the measure that I'm going to measure out to other people? Because I don't think that's right. Jesus died on the cross for me too. I'm a sinner, saved by grace just like everybody else... I can hold grudges. I'm sorry, he died for that. He says, "No. I want you to understand you're missing out on the big picture here. If you don't start forgiving the people in your life, you are not going to receive the blessing of forgiveness either."
Here's what he said in Luke 6:37, "Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven."
The problem is he's trying to help us understand we're all on a level playing field.
Here's the thing, when I see this, I'm so challenged because sometimes, in my role, I've been a Christian as long as I can remember. I've been in church as long as I can remember. Sometimes I look at the way that people live, and I go, "Oh, poor you."
Somehow in my mind, I elevate myself above them. God says, "That's not what you're supposed to do. I need you to look at them as if you are looking them in the eye. You are no better than them. I'm going to put you on the same playing field." Hey, y'all, we don't judge other people because the same measure is being judged out on us.
Dang, that seems a little harsh. You mean my forgiveness is based on the measure that I'm going to measure out to other people? Because I don't think that's right. Jesus died on the cross for me too. I'm a sinner, saved by grace just like everybody else... I can hold grudges. I'm sorry, he died for that. He says, "No. I want you to understand you're missing out on the big picture here. If you don't start forgiving the people in your life, you are not going to receive the blessing of forgiveness either."
Here's what he said in Luke 6:37, "Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven."
The problem is he's trying to help us understand we're all on a level playing field.
Here's the thing, when I see this, I'm so challenged because sometimes, in my role, I've been a Christian as long as I can remember. I've been in church as long as I can remember. Sometimes I look at the way that people live, and I go, "Oh, poor you."
Somehow in my mind, I elevate myself above them. God says, "That's not what you're supposed to do. I need you to look at them as if you are looking them in the eye. You are no better than them. I'm going to put you on the same playing field." Hey, y'all, we don't judge other people because the same measure is being judged out on us.
The Effect of Unforgiveness
Let's talk about what unforgiveness does in our hearts because, you know, what we like to do is we like just a little bit. "I know I'm supposed to forgive everybody, but that person, I'm sure God would be okay if I just stuck that in my pocket. Just a little bit should be okay."
But that's not it. See, unforgiveness creates an emotional storm.
I don't know if you're aware of this, but there's something that actually physically takes place when you hold a grudge, or you don't let people off the hook, or you choose not to forgive them. You create an emotional storm in your own heart.
Guess what? It's always going to surface things that you never thought existed in your life. Feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear.
Guess what?
None of those did anything to the person you need to forgive. Who do they affect? You.
Most of us in America today carry an unhealthy amount of stress, anxiety, depression, insecurity, feelings of stress, and fear in our lives.
Why?
Because somehow there's this emotional storm that's brewing in our hearts, and God is saying, "let me just get back to the basics. Part of it is because you are elevating yourself and others in ways that they were never meant to be. You are all my children. Walk together. Don't try to pick who's better."
Unforgiveness creates a hardened heart, not just toward the other person but toward people in general. Feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred.
Here's what happens to us, in us and through us, is we run into a very bad situation when our hearts, which are supposed to be soft and open and welcoming and loving and caring and kind, and all those things that are listed as we put on the clothes of God, of righteousness, then we begin to harden ourselves so that no one can hurt us again. A hardened heart never wins.
They're not going to do that to me again.
Oh, really? Is that really what we're supposed to do?
In fact, when I read scripture, I think the goal is that we set ourselves up to be hurt as often as possible. We run to the Father for healing and redemption every possible day so that he can keep filling us up so that we can be broken and poured out for the world around us, and then run back to the Father and be filled up again so that we can be broken and poured out, not so that we can wear armor and defend the faith. That's not what he says. Humble yourself.
But that's not it. See, unforgiveness creates an emotional storm.
I don't know if you're aware of this, but there's something that actually physically takes place when you hold a grudge, or you don't let people off the hook, or you choose not to forgive them. You create an emotional storm in your own heart.
Guess what? It's always going to surface things that you never thought existed in your life. Feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear.
Guess what?
None of those did anything to the person you need to forgive. Who do they affect? You.
Most of us in America today carry an unhealthy amount of stress, anxiety, depression, insecurity, feelings of stress, and fear in our lives.
Why?
Because somehow there's this emotional storm that's brewing in our hearts, and God is saying, "let me just get back to the basics. Part of it is because you are elevating yourself and others in ways that they were never meant to be. You are all my children. Walk together. Don't try to pick who's better."
Unforgiveness creates a hardened heart, not just toward the other person but toward people in general. Feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred.
Here's what happens to us, in us and through us, is we run into a very bad situation when our hearts, which are supposed to be soft and open and welcoming and loving and caring and kind, and all those things that are listed as we put on the clothes of God, of righteousness, then we begin to harden ourselves so that no one can hurt us again. A hardened heart never wins.
They're not going to do that to me again.
Oh, really? Is that really what we're supposed to do?
In fact, when I read scripture, I think the goal is that we set ourselves up to be hurt as often as possible. We run to the Father for healing and redemption every possible day so that he can keep filling us up so that we can be broken and poured out for the world around us, and then run back to the Father and be filled up again so that we can be broken and poured out, not so that we can wear armor and defend the faith. That's not what he says. Humble yourself.
Mental Space
Unforgiveness takes up a lot of mental space, and it's been quoted before that someone is living rent-free in your mind when you don't forgive them.
Every time you look at that picture, you don't unfollow them on social media. No, you just keep watching their life happen. Getting more frustrated, more angry, more bothered. Why don't they feel the way I feel? More upset. Let them go, y'all.
Here's what happens. This mental space, an old movie reel, we analyze each and every clip, and we begin to rehearse the injustice that was done, the things that were done. It takes up more of our mental capacity in our mind and our health.
Every time you look at that picture, you don't unfollow them on social media. No, you just keep watching their life happen. Getting more frustrated, more angry, more bothered. Why don't they feel the way I feel? More upset. Let them go, y'all.
Here's what happens. This mental space, an old movie reel, we analyze each and every clip, and we begin to rehearse the injustice that was done, the things that were done. It takes up more of our mental capacity in our mind and our health.
Physical Health
Unforgiveness will affect your physical health too.
Actual doctors have done the research. All right?
This is medical facts and research. They say unforgiveness contributes to high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, reduced sleep, chronic pain, and cardiovascular problems. In fact, because unforgiveness hinders the body's ability to heal, forgiveness exercises are now being included in cancer treatment for cancer patients.
If you got anybody that you know that you're holding a grudge against, then go and unforgive them. Let them go. Let's see what it does to your body.
Actual doctors have done the research. All right?
This is medical facts and research. They say unforgiveness contributes to high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, reduced sleep, chronic pain, and cardiovascular problems. In fact, because unforgiveness hinders the body's ability to heal, forgiveness exercises are now being included in cancer treatment for cancer patients.
If you got anybody that you know that you're holding a grudge against, then go and unforgive them. Let them go. Let's see what it does to your body.
What are We Supposed to Do?
Jeff, what are we supposed to do about this?
There's a section of scripture that I'm going to take you to, and it's one section that Jesus taught in Matthew chapter 18. He says, "If somebody does you wrong, this is what you're supposed to do." You ready? He says, "Now, if another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the person listens and confesses it, you want them back. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
If you're unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. Oh, okay. He says, "And if that person refuses to listen, then take your case to the church. Then if he or she won't accept the church's decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector."
Healing happens when we bring sin into the light. That's where it happens.
We cannot find healing while we're festering the issues below the surface. You sweep something under the wrong long enough, you're going to eventually trip over it. That's what it looks like.
There's a section of scripture that I'm going to take you to, and it's one section that Jesus taught in Matthew chapter 18. He says, "If somebody does you wrong, this is what you're supposed to do." You ready? He says, "Now, if another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the person listens and confesses it, you want them back. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
If you're unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. Oh, okay. He says, "And if that person refuses to listen, then take your case to the church. Then if he or she won't accept the church's decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector."
Healing happens when we bring sin into the light. That's where it happens.
We cannot find healing while we're festering the issues below the surface. You sweep something under the wrong long enough, you're going to eventually trip over it. That's what it looks like.
Choose to Forgive
I think pride makes me think that I can put limits on my forgiveness. Just one more time. We tell our kids, "You do that one more time, and I'm going to burn all your toys in the front yard. One more time, and you're going to go to school naked for the next week." That would never fly in the school district, by the way.
Today I choose to forgive because I have been forgiven. Honestly, y'all, forgiveness stinks. It's hard. It's not just hard for the person asking forgiveness because that's humiliating.
I know I did something wrong but it's hard for the person giving forgiveness because we have to come off of our high horse and get down and look somebody in the eye and say, "I deserve the right to hold you penalty. I deserve the right. I deserve the opportunity to tell you suck, and you're terrible, and you're awful. You're no good and you owe me, but forgiveness says all accounts are washed clean. I choose to forgive you. There's going to be days when that ugly little thing inside me creeps up.I don't want to forgive you, but I'm going to choose again and again and again and again to let it go, to let God be in charge."
Y'all, if you want to look like the church that the world needs and expects us to be, this is the key. You cannot live with unforgiveness and call yourself a follower of Christ
He says, "Let yourself off the hook. Let me be God. Let everyone else that you're holding in accountable for your life and your pain and your tragedies, let them go. I'll take care of the rest." That's the word of God for His church.
Today I choose to forgive because I have been forgiven. Honestly, y'all, forgiveness stinks. It's hard. It's not just hard for the person asking forgiveness because that's humiliating.
I know I did something wrong but it's hard for the person giving forgiveness because we have to come off of our high horse and get down and look somebody in the eye and say, "I deserve the right to hold you penalty. I deserve the right. I deserve the opportunity to tell you suck, and you're terrible, and you're awful. You're no good and you owe me, but forgiveness says all accounts are washed clean. I choose to forgive you. There's going to be days when that ugly little thing inside me creeps up.I don't want to forgive you, but I'm going to choose again and again and again and again to let it go, to let God be in charge."
Y'all, if you want to look like the church that the world needs and expects us to be, this is the key. You cannot live with unforgiveness and call yourself a follower of Christ
He says, "Let yourself off the hook. Let me be God. Let everyone else that you're holding in accountable for your life and your pain and your tragedies, let them go. I'll take care of the rest." That's the word of God for His church.
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